Going backwards in time at top speed
January 29th, 2009
This photo of the sign via an article on the New York Times
And so much for civilisation…
Here in zimbabwe we are rapidly reversing the march of time and heading right back into the worst history has to offer.
Zimbabwe should revert to the ancient Yap system where gigantic one hundred pound, ten foot chunks of shiny stone were exchanged for goods (Yapese discs were commonly made of quartz, can’t Gono just hit the Matopos for a bit of this instead of the endless printing of waste paper and slashing of zeros?). Rolling stones would be a damn sight better than the wads of useless Z$ that are often seen littering the overgrown verges of our potholed and treacherous roads. Nobody bothers to even pick up discarded Gonillions, unless they need a dash to the nearest fetid public loo to deal with the common bouts of diarrhoea brought on by mucky tap water (pray not cholera).
But I had to laugh on my stop over at Beitbridge when I returned from South Africa a short time ago. Besides whispering urgently at my travel companions not to touch any of the counters or barriers for fear of contracting the dreaded cholera, I tried as hard as I could to hold in an urge to visit the loo. I left the snaking queue at customs with a heavy heart, but nature has its way, and I was forced to give in to using the public facilities at the vile border post. I must say I was pleasantly surprised as they were spotless, but my urge to go was lightened into a moment of sheer comedy when I read the laminated notice pasted above the flusher (pictured above).
Back home I can safely declare that our monetary system is now officially pre-Yappian. I am reliably told that school fees at private schools are officially open to barter. No longer do the schools demand payment in fuel coupons, as with fluctuating fuel prices their value has lost reliability. It is cold hard cash, with day schools charging up to US$900 per term and boarding schools running at an astronomical US$2800. Those who can still afford private education for their children (I don’t need to tell you about the collapse in government schools) can also choose to offer goods in lieu of payment. So, for Zimbabweans still able to maintain businesses it could be a bale of t-shirts, a few dozen trousers, a constant supply of tomatoes, crates of imported wines – of course it is up to the individual school to assess their needs.
The illustrious Patrick Chinamasa, ex Minister of Injustice, current play-acting Minister of Financial Decay, is poised today to make a financial statement. This should be another episode in the dark comedy of Zimenomics.
I heard a rumour last night that Gono wants to print US$ coupons – hitherto to be called Goupons. That should be fun. You will be able to take your goupons to the nearest foliwars shop and exchange them for goods. That’s ok, but what happens to the poor shopkeeper who is not part of the regime’s gravy-train open-access to US$ zpf? Obert Mpofu is ok, he owns one of the first licensed forex shops. So when Mrs Civil Servant hands over her wad of goupons to buy the overpriced imported mealie meal, green soap and now made in SA Mazoe Orange crush, Obert will be able to race off to the bank and cash in his stash of goupons for yummy greenbacks.
But pity Mr Not-part-of-Zpf shopkeeper who will certainly be told, “Sorry the bank has run out of US cash, so we will credit your account with Z$ at the lovely bank rate and you can only withdraw a smidgeon of cash each day as we don’t have any Z$ Gonillions either!”
Then what about our once advanced health system?
The state of our public hospitals is reminiscent of medieval hospices choked with plague-infested corpses, where even simple procedures cannot be performed for the lack of qualified staff or drugs. UZ last year was forced to cap graduates so Bob could pretend to be Mr Benevolent overseer of a proud generation of educated young Zimbabweans. But how many of these new doctors actually passed their exams or were able to attend the illustrious seat of learning for the required number of days to complete the medical syllabus? I shudder to think. It’s obviously Blair and Bush’s fault that we have cholera, so why shouldn’t the Red Cross and the other international health NGO’s pay for the treatment or for that matter feed the millions (I am being sarcastic!). A qualified ICU nurse is paid less than a week’s transport to work. The sweet air of Zimbabwe is polluted with the odour of death and decay. Please do not get sick or have an accident here, for the chances are you will die.
Zimbabwe, the erstwhile breadbasket of Africa is a much hackneyed phrase used in the international press. Foraging for food like our stone age ancestors is now the most common pastime of the gangs of children who the regime has robbed of education and who scour the countryside early in the morning for locusts or mahacha, an indigenous fruit, competing with the cattle who also love this.
How does Mugabe feel when he sees the images of Aushwitz type prisoners starving to death in the country’s prisons? (E TV this week showed these pictures taken by a desperate prison officer). I weep daily at the images of the pot bellied, orange haired children whose future is decimated for they will never develop as they should. Our rural schools were once gleaming with whitewash, swept neat, bustling and happy places. Today both rural and urban schools are echoing edifices of a regime bent on reversing any gains made through its troubled history.
Where are we in time today? Are we pre-stoneage club-bashing hunter gathering thugs? Are we a medieval feudal state with no concern for the serfs?
One thing is for sure, we cannot place ourselves in the global village of the technological age, we are not a proud part of the 21st Century.
