“Be careful what you wish for, lest it come true”

No rumour in Zimbabwe spreads quite as fast as news of Robert Mugabe’s ill-health or imminent demise. The recent South African Times article, reporting that Mugabe was whisked out the country for treatment in Dubai over the weekend, has inflammed the gossip.

Rumours like these are usually short-lived, squashed like a tick, with a fit looking Mugabe making an appearance somewhere, but not before every detail of his appearance has been analysed.

One colleague of mine refers to him as “Schwarzkopf Bob” – attributing his youthful hair colour to this popular brand of men’s hair dye. “Never mind ‘quite your grey’s'”, my friend always quips, I assume referring to one of the company’s marketing slogans, “How about its time to quit office!”

When news of Mugabe’s ill-health surfaces, this quip is invariably changed to, “Have you heard Mugabe might be about to ‘quit his days’”.

It doesn’t stop with hair colour. Images of Mugabe seated on podiums are carefully examined, one friend once bringing me a copy of an image revealing very swollen ankles, proof she said, that Mugabe was not well. Another constantly remarks on how dark his skin tone is, evidence she says, that his health is failing. His rambling speeches are taken as a sign of a tired and wandering mind, and when he lost his cool at the AU meeting last year, this was interpreted as him finally ‘losing the plot’.

Mugabe himself once propelled the rumours by referring to the “headaches” and “stomach aches” he got trying to deal with the fuel crisis. That one-off comment now recurs in different contexts by annoyed Zimbabweans with every catastrophe: the cholera crisis – “I bet Mugabe doesn’t have a stomach ache right now”; the elections defeat in 2008 – “I bet he’s got a big headache now!”.

Is Robert Mugabe very ill right now? Who knows…  The BBC reports that:

Zimbabwe officials have denied reports that Mr Mugabe is ill, labelling them the product of “sick and evil minds”.

News of Mugabe’s health conditions may be gossip that people share and toss over with gusto, but the topic of his potential death provokes mixed reactions and mixed feelings. Yesterday I overheard someone loudly saying, “Well, let’s all hope for good news!” His companion rounded on him and intensely said, “You must never – NEVER – wish someone dead!” Others listening agreed with her. It’s a reminder that no matter who Mugabe is, no matter what his epitaph will be, no matter what he has done to us, Zimbabwe’s culture is one where elderly people are respected.

Mugabe is meant to be meeting with Zuma today, and all eyes will be watching to see if they do meet, and pictures will be examined very closely for signs of ill-health and tomorrow will be another busy day of chatter and analysis.

I personally feel apprehension at the thought of Robert Mugabe dying. Rumours of ill-health aside, the man is 85, this in itself means that one day the rumours will be true, and one day he will die – not even Mugabe can out-maneuver Mother Nature. His age suggests that this might not be in the far distant future.

I know with all my heart what a ‘devil’ he has been to our nation and our people, and I know that his hands are blood-stained with violence, and I know that all of these reasons are why people wish he was gone no matter what. But its worth noting that he is also the ‘devil we know’.

Who will succeed him?

The other rumour that swishes around Zimbabwe is that of the Zanu PF succession battle, fueled by newspaper articles. We are told repeatedly by the former opposition parties that the power-sharing government has been met with considerable resistance by some senior members in the Zanu PF party and in the Joint Operation Command. “There are those who want this agreement to fail” – how many times have we heard some variation of these words offered as an explanation for slow progress or recurring injustices despite the GPA?

What happens if one of “those who want the agreement to fail” ends up stepping into Schwarzkopf Bob’s shoes?

A short while ago I wrote about the ‘Big Moment’ when military chiefs finally saluted Tsvangirai, a moment that, when teased out, reveals itself not to be the ground-breaking sea-change event we were told it was, and possibly just a reflection of the divided views in the military over whether one should talk to the former opposition parties, or whether one should not!

What happens if the military chiefs who still refuse to salute Tsvangirai align themselves with “those who want the agreement to fail”?

These are scary questions, and ones I find difficult to keep out of my head. My grandmother’s favourite saying – “Be careful what you wish for, lest it come true” – seems apt in these uncertain times.

This entry was posted by Sokwanele on Thursday, August 27th, 2009 at 12:19 pm. You can follow any comments on this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.