The musings of a Zimbabwean exile now existing in England
(This contribution sent to us by email)
Every day I ask myself ,what am I – a child of Africa and a Zimbabwean of many generations – doing here in England ? Every day I am reminded that I don’t really belong in this alien culture. What am I doing here, away from the sun-drenched plains of Africa in this dank, dark and cold climate ? What am I doing among the cold and indifferent and (though they don’t know it) amazingly prosperous Brits – who understand nothing whatever of ubuntu ? And every day, since I am not one of those to cut myself off from my roots, I feel the pain of the separation from my true home and from family and friends left behind in poor, blighted Zimbabwe. A beautiful land blighted by an utterly selfish and totally corrupt dictator who is as much a curse to his country as ever Idi Amin, Augusto Pinochet or Slobodan Milosevic were to theirs.
I am existing – I would not call it living – here in exile in a crowded tenement in over-crowded Birmingham. I did not ask to leave my homeland, nor come to these foreign shores in search of “greener pastures”. No, I left because effectively I had no alternative. As a professional civil servant I should have had no difficulty earning enough to support my wife and four children in Harare. For years we lived comfortably enough in a modest home in leafy Mount Pleasant, close to the university. The children were doing well in their schools. We all enjoyed the life. Zimbabwe was our home and we never doubted it would ever remain so. In our own way I think it can be said we were making a contribution to our community. But then in 2000 came the moment of truth when Mugabe and his party were jolted with the reality of an electorate that wanted change. They would not have it at any cost – they had too much to lose – and so the pretence of freedom, democracy and the rule of law was brushed aside and in its place we all saw the dictator in his true colours. The ugliness of brutal power unleashed on an unsuspecting (and altogether too naïve) people. A moral slide which has ended in an avalanche.
Forget the veneer of professionalism within the civil service. Now it was clear that nothing but a servile submission to ZANU PF and its survival strategy would do for every state (read party) employee above the most lowly grades. And moreover “good” employees were expected to demonstrate their “patriotism”, which meant an uncritical adherence to the puerile party propaganda and a willingness to endorse whatever hair-brained scheme was put forward to garner populist support – never mind the disastrous consequences. In fact to really get on in such a thought-controlled environment one needed to add a touch of racist xenophobia or the occasional anti-colonialist flourish. We all knew what was required of us as servants of the state (read party) and it certainly wasn’t objective, professional advice. Some colleagues – sadly most – showed a readiness to trim to the prevailing political wind. In fact a few so excelled in adapting that they were rewarded with instant promotion to dizzying heights. Those like myself who had always calculated that possession of a ZANU PF card would be the only sacrifice of conscience required, soon found otherwise. In order to hold onto a position of any standing one’s whole integrity had to become a negotiable asset.
For three years I struggled on under the ZANU PF monolith, bartering my soul away bit by bit in order to retain the confidence of my superiors. In truth it became more and more difficult to look at that questioning face in the mirror each morning. Yet with shame I have to confess it was not the moral compromises which finally forced me to a decision to leave. Nor was it the continual ZESA blackouts, the contaminated water, the fuel queues or bread, mealie meal and other recurring shortages. It was the crashing economy which pressed us harder and harder until finally we could no longer afford the school fees as well as the rocketing costs of feeding and clothing the family.
My wife had gone back to nursing many months before so as to boost the family’s dwindling real income. But her sacrifice was largely in vain because the additional income was soon overtaken by surging inflation. It was when one day she suggested to me that either she or I should take up a “temporary” job outside the country in order to make ends meet that I realized this was one sacrifice too many. Countless friends and colleagues had resorted to this desperate measure and in each case we had witnessed the tragic consequences. Though promising themselves it was just a temporary separation, sooner or later it became apparent to all that it was no such thing. We saw marriages buckle and break under the strain. We saw children, school fees paid, but starved of the love and affection they most needed. We saw families slowly disintegrating … and when we sat down and weighed the options carefully I’m pleased to say we all agreed we valued our life together too highly to take this risk.
And so the heart-breaking decision to leave the country. The house was sold to pay for the airfares – truly burning our boats behind us, though none of us would then admit it. Friends and family who had gone ahead provided a bridge-head into a new and unfamiliar world. They warned us the transition would not be easy even with their ready assistance – and what an understatement that proved to be. Don’t ask exactly how we acquired the necessary travel documents to move to our adopted land and start a new life there. Or how we found lodgings that we can afford. Or how I got a job – of sorts – as a humble railway clerk. Because at least now we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. At least now we don’t have recurring nightmares about the children being thrown out of school for unpaid school fees. (We can even afford to pay the school fees for a few nephews and nieces back in Zimbabwe – avoiding Gono’s slice on the exchange too) And I am pleased to say it is a little easier to look at the face in the mirror these days too.
Yes, we’re surviving. We’ve made the break so many Zimbabweans dream of as they struggle on in the wretched conditions Mugabe has created for all (save his own select group of cronies). But you’d be wrong to envy us. Like thousands of other Zimbabwean exiles we have an existence here but we are hardly enjoying the experience.
The truth is we are dreading our first Christmas in exile – away from our real home.
From,
An angry exile
December 23rd, 2006 14:12
Angry exile – what wasted energy! Might as well keel over and go to sleep. I know, because I festered like a gangrenous wound for over 20 years. Palpable anger is what if feels like – your heart beating itself to destruction. Not only does dictatorship of Mugabe destroy families, it destroys souls. But I am not angry anymore, if anything, I am grateful for the anger that nearly killed me. Because I have now channelled it to ‘constructive anger’. Mine is now a building anger than the destructive anger that you are going through.
My suggestions, which I have given to many other Zimbabweans/any exile for that matter is ‘Collectively, we have the power over dictators.’ But not as an individual. So if you know other Zimbabweans in your locality, it is high time you started to organise something – what-ever it is that you feel confortable with. As long as its aim is to bring down Mugabe – you will be singing with joy pretty soon. Experience talking and no teacher teaches better than experience. So go for it – looks like you are highly educated and highly skilled!
Blessings and good luck!
December 23rd, 2006 16:07
The thing that REALLY irritates me about Robert Mugabe is?
The fact that he isnt even ZIMBABWEAN. He is from Mozambique.
Yet another case in point of why immigration is BAD.
December 24th, 2006 17:53
Pity you are in Birmingham – if you were in Middlesbrough I could invite you round for a cup of tea.
We Brits are not all that indifferent, but there are so many thousands of immigrants and refugees here now that it is hard to do much more than pay the taxes that help them out. (For instance, you probably don’t have to pay any school fees here.)
Cheer up and have a Happy Christmas. Mugabe won’t live for ever.
December 27th, 2006 23:19
All of the exile Zimbabweans I have met in the Anglosphere share two qualities: a remarkable sense of quiet, good humor and a developed, personal good manners which puts the manners of others to shame.
But again and again, the fact that those countries which have locked socialism into their form of governance are always in the bottom half of prosperous nations is lost upin all of the Zimbabweans I meet. It is as if blinders are on; ‘We Zimbabweans are destitute, but it is Mugabe’s/Zanu’s/colonialism’s/imperialism’s/the World Bank’s/America’s sanctions which are to blame.
Three millions of Zimbabweans have voted with their feet, the economy is the world’s worst, yet socialism is still the ideological narcotic of preference in Zimbabwe, according to every Zimbabwean I speak to. Fine. Be socialists if you want, but don’t ignore the empirical result of socialism over the past century: starvation and poverty.
‘Be free,’ Zimbabwe.
January 4th, 2007 10:29
At first I felt that the world would come to the aid of Zim but now I know thats a pipe dream so I’m afraid guys it’s up to you and that does mean HUGE courage If you all STAND together he will be finished ,but it means EVERYONE and that takes organizing and that is dangerous but its your choice
Think of the young boys who gave their lives to defend Britain They were scared but they believeed it could be done and they went,many to their deaths and they conquered the evil that was there
If mugabwe stays you’ll all die young No future so what is your choice ?God bless you all
January 5th, 2007 02:50
Dear Zimbabwean Exile:
My heart goes out to you and all those that have lost everything because of the Mad Dictator.
I myself am originally from Kenya but have lived in the United States for about 3 decades.
My family has a farm in Kenya, that sits idle year after year because my Mother is too old and sickly to operate it.
I am looking for a displaced Zimbabwean Farmer who would be interested in settling in kenya. We would welcome any interested parties who would either like to lease or buy.
Please e-mail me at schemirmir@hotmail.com if you or anyone you know is interested in more information.
Thanks and best wishes for the future.
January 6th, 2007 05:40
Read your article with sympathy. There are a lot of Zimbabweans in Australia, the weather is friendlier etc. Suggest you check it out. Western Australia is lovely. The lifestyle I think would be far more enjoyable.
January 8th, 2007 22:35
Thats the price all of us Zimbabweans, at home or in exile pay for being so servile to our political masters. The country does not belong to Robert Mugabe and his cronies but to all of us, why in the name of anything we have allowed ourselves to be cowed to the extent of being comatose in the face of everything brutal indecent and so degrading that we think Ian Smith was a better alternative beats me. We deserve the leadership we have and the system they have created for the naught of their own comfort. Its time to wake up and smell the coffee in the kitchen man.
January 10th, 2007 03:52
It was all good and well that we took the country back from the colonial rulers and managed to make it an upstanding nation in which the world so admired.
Now us Zimbos are scattered around the globe ( myself included) all because we cannot do what we did to the Colonial rulers. We have a shameful manner of being complacent.
We are now seeking refuge from our former colonial masters who now feel pitty for us.
If only we had the pride that the Americans and the British have we would be back home building the future of Zimbabwe for our children.
As for now we will hide behind the skirts of the Queen
( I AM SURE NO NO-ONE CAN DISPUTE MY COMMENT )
January 17th, 2007 12:51
“why in the name of anything we have allowed ourselves to be cowed to the extent of being comatose in the face of everything brutal indecent and so degrading that we think Ian Smith was a better alternative beats me.”
This is the big question about all dictators. Why do the citizens allow them to grab power? How did that evil swine Mao manage to conquer the whole of China and murder tens of millions? Surely the Chinese could have stopped him?
It seems that psychopaths paralyse the ordinary decent person, like a snake hypnotosing a rabbit.
Watch the growth of the power of Chavez in Venezuela. Can’t the citizens see what he is doing? He is another Mugabe.