‘Scair Zimbabwe’ and other tourist delights

The 'Smoking lounge'

There has been much hype in the Zim government press over the coming 2010 world cup, with Ministers and their lackeys drivelling on about the (highly unrealistic) expected influx of tourists. Of course there will be some spill over from the soccer frenzy, but sadly most of it will take the form of tourists flying directly into Victoria Falls or crossing over from Livingstone, for a day or two on their way to better facilities in South Africa, Botswana and Zambia. One would think that the great Maosi Tunya was actually a South African destination as it is very often included in their domestic tour packages. Having visited the tourist town recently it is a sad, faded, shabby remnant of its previous glorious self. Indeed Unesco is currently threatening to downgrade it as a world heritage site.

Zimbabwe was once a tourist mecca, with all ages and budgets flocking to visit our rich and diverse range of destinations, from the Matobo hills to Hwange game reserve, the Victoria Falls to Kariba dam, Nyanga to Gonarezhou. Today over 80% of the luxury lodges, backpacker inns and small establishments have closed. I visited the Hwange Safari Lodge (owned mainly by ZPF) last year and we were the only tourists there rattling around in a vast hotel and being followed by a herd of staff, all bemoaning the state of affairs and longing for the old days when they were run off their feet.

But even when the holiday makers do trickle in, they face a multitude of obstacles that would challenge even the hardiest of their kind. The border posts are a nightmare, in particular Beit Bridge, which ranks amongst the foulest and filthiest of cess pits on the planet, a place where tourists are treated with hostility and suspicion.

Once the tourist vehicle has managed to traverse the bridge across “the great, grey-green, greasy Limpopo”, which could take hours as it only has two lanes, one into and one out of South Africa, and is often clogged with massive trucks bringing in goods to Zimbabwe (but often empty on the outward journey). Fortunately the World Cup is taking place in mid winter so if you are stuck on this recently and inadequately built bridge, you won’t perish in 42degree heat whilst suspended over the river!

The visitor has arrived on Zimbabwean territory. He will first have to beat a path through the thronging mass of touts, offering to clear the way through the bureaucracy for outrageous fees, of course not including the cost of the bribes (that the tout will sort out for you), to pay for an expedited run through the lengthy border process with the open-to-negotiation border officials.

If the wary tourist is savvy and does not fall prey to the tout, then he has to brave the pushing and shoving in the first of many lines; the bridge toll $10, then into the line to pay the extortionate $100 road tax (for the pleasure of using the pockmarked and treacherous roads). To get clearance through customs you have to find a Zimbabwe Revenue Authority (Zimra) official to search your car to ensure you are not evading the payment of any duties. A word of advice, remember to declare your laptop, as if you do not you will be forced to pay a large deposit which in theory will be reimbursed on your outward journey. Zimra are known to base their employment policy on finding the most unpleasant and unhelpful individuals as possible, each one trying to outdo the other in the degree of hostility to travellers. Finally you can start your exploration of Zimbabwe.

But for the traveller who is jetting into the country and expects to depend on domestic flights to get around, BEWARE!

Last week I had the pleasure of flying to Bulawayo from Harare. I arrived at the airport in good time, only to be told the flight was delayed and held up in Vic Falls. When I enquired as to the problem I was dutifully informed by the very polite Air Zimbabwe official, “It is broken”! I waited some hours only to be advised I should return at 6am the next morning. I discovered the previous evening’s flight also had not taken off, as the landing lights at Harare airport were out of commission. So for two nights in a row Air Zimbabwe had to fork out for accommodation for the passengers who had flown into Harare, for the day only, from Bulawayo.

Both flights were put up at the Monomatapa Hotel, which charges a hefty $110 per night, no wonder Scair Zimbabwe is floundering and no wonder the hotel is rubbing its hands in glee. This week I also heard that the plane could not land in Bulawayo as the landing gear was malfunctioning and there is no emergency equipment to land in the second city. Fortunately the landing gear emerged en route to Harare, but once again, another night for passengers at the Monomatapa.

Once again, early in the morning, I made my way to the airport. Please remember that Air Zimbabwe is down to one small plane for domestic and some regional flights as the second is still out of commission from the warthog accident some time ago. So, this overburdened little Chinese-made plane, usually flies Bulawayo – Harare – Bulawayo – Johannesburg or Vic Falls depending on the day – Bulawayo – Harare –Bulawayo. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

My flight still had not arrived from Vic Falls by 6.30am so I decided to hang out in the Air Zimbabwe lounge which runs off the main lounge. There is a sign over the door which reads “Air Zimbabwe Lounge”, not business class lounge, nor VIP lounge, just plain old lounge. So in I went, ensconced myself on the tatty, but comfy, sofa to read the only paper available, the horrible Herald.

After an hour or so the passengers scheduled to leave on the morning flight (who would now have to wait for us evening flight passengers to go to Bulawayo and the plane to then return) started to saunter in. The newcomers into my quiet lounge looked rather officious and I was sussing them out when an Air Zim official asked for my boarding pass and off he went. When he returned he smugly informed me I was not a business class passenger, how could I be I retorted, there is no business class on domestic flights! But rather than fight with this minor official I decided to vacate my seat and returned to the masses, where I belong.

By 10am I was starting to get desperate for a caffeine fix, but the bar in the domestic lounge had no hot water. Finally I begged the barman to go over to the international terminal to get the needed liquid and I was rewarded with the sighs of relief from the passengers who applauded my dogged insistence for service. I glugged the glorious black liquid down, but needed my next fix, a hit of nicotine. I asked the barman where I could smoke and he came out from behind his bar cage, kicked open the grey door next to the men’s loos and welcomed me into what he gleefully informed me was the “Smoking Lounge”. It is a filthy little cage bordering on the runway. I shared the space with the only other smoker, a worker in his green bib.

Finally, at noon, the plane took off to Bulawayo.

How is Zimbabwe going to fare with an increase of tourism? This remains to be seen, but I for one look forward to the day when we once again can rebuild this vibrant industry and welcome back all and sundry to enjoy our rich and diverse land.

This entry was posted by Still Here on Tuesday, March 16th, 2010 at 6:20 pm. You can follow any comments on this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.